Just another day..

Its been more than a year since I last visited my own blog...!but what do you share when you're sad and angry at times,or you're soo happy most times you're afraid that telling everyone might jinx it.Yes,one of the side-effects of getting to know someone too well :o..Even more of a fix when being subtle is not your thing,and all you want to do is shout everything out,but gonna have to keep quiet.One of the many things I learnt in Indian fiction course,one of the best I've taken so far btw(mostly because I think the Prof is cool and partly because my childhood dream of having to read a novel for a course came true),is that an author's moods,beliefs and ideas creep into their work.(unless it's a news article..but then again,some newspapers are politically biased?)A long silence,explained?

I have no idea how good or bad I'm at writing..but it's something that helps me be myself.When you want to track the train of your thoughts,some people talk it out..some think it through..some post on fb..I prefer putting it down in writing the best(but you don't always have the time) .Why not in a journal,you ask?Well,I might publish it too some day,you know..so why not some bits and pieces now.

Ah,its been raining on and off all day;the kind of day that makes you wish you could curl up in your cozy bed all day long with an interesting book to dive into,discovering a new world that's different from your own,uncovering the layers of a sophisticated character,predicting the twists and turns in the plot.(Did I mention,I love books?) with a hot cuppa coffee in hand and some mom-made bhajjis!As my luck didn't favor the latter two wishes,I had to make do with just this book I found in the library yesterday Palindrome (quite a good read,with a few more pages to go). I had a resume to edit,CAT to prep for, DDP work(honestly not-a-clue;until last week with all those simulations,I'd thought my Prof knew what we were doing..but then,when asked 'Sir,what are we working towards..where exactly is this going?' 'Wherever you want to take it..'),laundry..blah blah,but who am I to deny a higher calling and not call it a day!It was RAINING.In Chennai.(Dear Chennai,Bright and Sunny is your thing..when you don't overdo it.Gloomy and pouring,not for you!)

Late in the afternoon,I discovered the geyser in our floor was functioning...HOT water,can you imagine?!It reminded me of one of my fav songs from LOTR,which I deemed share-worthy

The Bath Song!

Sing hey! for the bath at close of day

that washes the weary mud away!

A loon is he that will not sing:

O! Water Hot is a noble thing!

O! Sweet is the sound of falling rain,

and the brook that leaps from hill to plain;

but better than rain or rippling streams

is Water Hot that smokes and steams.

O! Water cold we may pour at need

down a thirsty throat and be glad indeed;

but better is Beer if drink we lack,

and Water Hot poured down the back.

O! Water is fair that leaps on high

in a fountain white beneath the sky;

but never did fountain sound so sweet

as splashing Hot Water with my feet!

As a 14-year-old,I remember singing these songs in a low-pitched voice to my Ajji,while she smiled..not understanding a word.This time of year,I miss her most..She's the sweetest person I've known and every time I try talking about her,the words just refuse to flow.Anyways,the post was supposed to be about the poem...but apparently,it belies my non-circuitous approach(refer url)

It has been a crazy,lazy day..explaining to my niece on fb,why I can't play Airport City but can only accept her request, discussing horror movies at sharav entrance watching the downpour..not wanting to get drenched,watched a few of my friends dance around in the rain in the quadrangle after lunch..kapi like a kapi,chi as usual trying to beat 'em all,buddi and anu all smiles,shali helplessly trying to untie chi's dupatta from around her waist(No,you don't want to know how that happened) Someone receiving a PPO has turned a bane to the wing as their fundaes about unwanted(for lack/want of a better word) stuff has mysteriously reached dangerous levels!

And how do you round off the day but with hot sandwiches,samosas,chocolate fantasy and a cappuccino! and watching your sister freak out after informing her that you told a certain guy that she thinks he's cute..and after she declares herself to be the master-manipulator,a walk in the almost-deserted road singing more than half a dozen familiar songs!Embracing that sense of tranquility..I reckon tomorrow will be just another day..

Alby was right...it isn't gravity!

An attempt at story-telling.I know its a time when any post with the keyword 'Anna' is appreciated.But a boy-girl story sells anytime,accept it or not!Thanx to anonymous for the story line.Felt first person narrative was effective..here it is:


The dirty haired,sallow-faced kid spying on Lily as she played,lazing out in the grass with her,sad as he watched her being sorted into Gryfinndor,miserably trying to apologize for calling her 'mudblood',helplessly watch her befriend James,offered 'anythin' to keep her safe,a broken man as held her letter to Sirius..crying,a brave man who sacrificed his life to protect the boy who had her eyes coz he'd love her ALWAYS.Yeah,it was about Snape I'd been thinking as the bus drove through the familiar hustle and bustle of the evening's traffic.That's what my mind does;think of stuff like this when you know there's some important thinking to do.

I knew he'd be waiting for my answer.Did I have to do it just then?No,I still had time.It was his last day in the city and he'd be leaving first thing in the morning.Better if we both know my answer before he leaves.Yeah,I had to decide today.Right now.I could've answered in the affirmative that night he proposed me with the message but couldn't figure out what had held me back.But is that how you express your love for a girl...over msgs or chats?!A decent face-to-face proposal works wonders...then again,every guy's nightmare;what if she turns you down!Past experiences had taught never say 'no' to a guy right then and there...so,told him I needed time to think it over.Asking for time is like asking the guy to watch a ticking time-bomb,I know!'No',I wanted that to be my answer as much he did..Also, he...he wasn't someone I wanted to turn down.True,I'd had feelings for him before...now they were all locked up in some dark corner of my existence.Wasn't he the one who had always stressed on how we were just good friends blah blah.As if I didn't know!Fine,if that was how he'd wanted it,I'd decided.

He's caring,smart,funny in a geeky sort of way,loves me more than I can imagine..(yeah I knew that).He is,in his own words,awesome.In short,he might just be everything I ever wanted.Then what was stopping me..?!You see people fall in and out of relationships now and again.It all looks quite common...fun from far..u never know the happiness or the pain involved.Did I really want this?Was I ready?I have my non-existent-career to think about...yes,do something both satisfying and enjoyable..toldja,NON-EXISTENT!And ofcourse,though people often confused me for one,I was no brahmin. In India,pursuing love wont be as easy as falling in it!What if it ended badly..?Could I face it?!No,I'd like everyone's hearts intact.NOW was not the time and I wasn't ready...not ready...a fancy phrase,but true.

I wondered why his usual 'wassup?:)' hadnt reached me yet.Busy packing bags,maybe.Telling myself to keep it as casual as possible,I txted him.He replies asking for a famous landmark near my place.A weird question when you least expect it.That was him alright.I answer the question and start typing a lengthy explanation as to why we can't be together.Texting wasn't the ideal way to say what I had to say but a telephone conversation could be very complicated.And then I wait...knowing full well how he must be feeling and how I felt,myself.

After what seemed like an eternity,my inbox reads "I dont know what to say...are you sure??" Ofcourse I wasn't sure!I launch into typing another long text,knowing very well he would be too numb right now to even read that."Is thr some1 else..?" Well,there are a lotta guys I found nice and cool.But did I love anyone?No."No,no one else.." Then some msg about me totally not getting the difference between 'lose' and 'loose'....what did I tell you about wierdness! "you know i nvr force anyone..hope our friendship isnt affected by this.guess i'll be leaving then...am near ur place.Just wanted to say goodbye"

See,he was decent.No tantrums.Nothing.Just acceptance...though he must have felt like he was going through hell!Ofcourse,friendship gets affected...what's he talking about!What did he mean he was near my place??He wasn't kidding,right?My mind decided to buffer the shock,or was it surprise;now I couldn't think,at all.What an idiot he was!And what a timing I had chosen to give that painful reply.For once,I felt like a total b****.He was waiting there for me and I'd had no idea..no not one.It couldn't have been easy...he was new in the city.But Google Maps,seriously?!Oh the crazy,geeky him!

He was leaving?No,I had to do something!But What?!I called him up and asked him to stay where
he was.Who cares what the people on the bus thought...I'll cry if I want to!His voice was shaky but I was close to tears as well.Once calm,I called up home to say I'd be late and was going for dinner with a friend who happened to be in the neighbourhood.It was mom who picked up..lucky!If it were dad there are bound to be too many questions for my liking.All mom said was "Alright,Eat well...was just about to make aloo parathas!" Sometimes,food seems the only thing moms care about! I could hear my sister shout "Enjoy!Have fun!" Oh,I must have been on loudspeaker.I could very well imagine the look on her face,the little brat!Never missed a thing,that girl.She knew who I was going for dinner with."Okay,you study!" I shout before killing the call.

Which restuarant?It hardly mattered which,but I had to decide.The brand new one on the main road looked good.Well,it was time.Bid good night to bus-uncle...that's what I call him.This is it.Had no clue what to expect,how the evening might go.Oh yeah,did I look okay?I was tired and it had been a long day at work!I reached the bus-stop where he'd said he'd be waiting..I saw him.There he sat,hugging his bag,with is head bent and almost asleep.There was no way I could see his face and I didnt quite fancy waking up a sleeping stranger.I recognised his bag.The scene wrenched my heart.He didn't deserve this.Waiting at some random bus-stop,in a completely new place filled with strangers speaking a strange language...to meet the girl who'd just taken him on a short tour of hell!How in this freakin-world-of-freaky-stuff was I supposed to expect this!I poked him.

A look at his eyes was proof enough for me to decide guys do cry.He hands me a super-big bar of chocolate.I cant refuse,I know.I say thanks and inform him we are going for dinner.He says he'd better get going back.I couldn't help but raise my eyebrows...and start walking.I had to work hard to be myself just then!(yeah,it didn't make sense to me as well)I launched into a commentary on all the shops,clinics,hang-out spots as we walked past them.He never did talk much which meant I could expect him to expect me to do all the talking tonight!

"A table for two",I said and was immediately lead into the dining hall though there were many people waiting in the lounge.Ah,just us,it strikes me.When was the last time I went on a date?!Personally,I dont think anyone can be comfortable at a-table-for-two!We hungrily wait for the people at the next table to leave and pounce on the table-for-four.I like cushions.I checked myself in the mirror on the pretext of washing hands.Okay,not bad,I decided.Not beautiful maybe,but interesting enough.No girl looks bad when she's in one of her favourite outfits!

We talked mostly of work and what his plans were after he left his job here.If only he knew how I felt every time he smiled!It was comfortable just sitting there talking but we'd be fools to expect that the other had forgotten the conversation that happened a few minutes back.Was that just few minutes back??I was starving.Surprisingly,little food made its way through my mouth.He drinks lots and lots of water.I offered mine when he said his water bottle was empty.Was he happy about that?Huff,it looked like it!We shared the bill..yes,I couldn't let him pay,not tonight.

It was raining when we left.It was getting late and the rain slowed down as we waited.I suggested "Let's walk" to which he replies "Lets buy an umbrella"...such brilliance!Only if I  buy an umbrella every time I'm stuck without one,I'd own my own multi-storied umbrella store.So,we walk again and he tells me he's more worried for his shoes than for himself.'Wow',I tell myself.I give him directions on how to catch the next bus to his place and shake hands saying 'It was nice to meet you tonight'.What was I thinking?!Was it me talking!He laughs loudly and says bye.I couldn't look into those eyes...could hear a voice in my head go 'Don't look at me like that,boy!'

As I waved one last time and turned to go home,it dawned on me there was no guy...no one in this world just then,who would actually go to so much trouble to just meet and say bye!..And I knew I wasn't the sort of girl a guy could forget after a conversation.Its just the beginning,I tell myself as I walk home,a smile playing on my lips...

Relationships...a perspective!

"The best relationships--friendship and otherwise--tend to be those where you can say anything to the other person but you don't say everything."

Recently,when in Pavi's room,a hard truth struck me:you might have had N^(infinity) crushes and not done anything about it(as in my case) or (infinity)^N relationships(not applicable) but inevitably in the END you might end up with some arbit guy!!The incidents leading up to this situation shall be under covers until I see a time fit to uncover them.

Ofcourse,I wouldn't say yes to some arbit fellow from across the street...what if my worst fear comes true and he turns out to be a psychopath killer!Seriously,imagine that.I've watched enough horror movies,read enough news and actually met too many people who look entirely normal but display total lack of normalcy,to rule out such possibilities.

Anyways,it had me trying hard to figure out,for the first time,what it actually means to be in a relationship.Lets see how it goes..What better place to start than our very own insti.It indeed offers many a subjects to study.Holding the title of 'one of the most beautiful campuses in the country',with its lush greenery,the clean,smooth,wide,curving roads with canopy of tall trees,the orderly chaos the trees maintain,the deer,freshly mowed grass,the smell of rain or the sweet smell of summer in the air,the cool breeze that sometimes makes you wanna block everything out,the lake in the early hours of morning(lemme leave out the monkeys) all make for quite a romantic setting,I guess.

The point is,whether you like it or not,you get to witness a lotta stuff...what would you call it..'public display of affection' in full blast!

(This is where I had left before the power-cut.My attempts of trying to sleep went in vain as the Chennai heat started sinking in.Went to Tifs for a cuppa coffee and onion dosa..happened to meet Chi and Sunny there.MB was there too putting some fundaes which went like "|r1-r2| is less then z0.." to a couple of guys.His words "All are adults here da!" on the bus on our dept day-out came ringing and I was back at my lappie typing away.)

As I was saying,you get to see couples holding hands,staring into each others' eyes like they got some telepathic super-powers,making you wonder if anything in the world is worth such a strenuous exercise...the slow nodding/shaking of heads,tears bursting to fall,the showering of hugs in ccd and if you happen to walk in on one of the night-walk scenes,God forbid!Oh yeah,we girls sometimes go for walks after dinner...how else do we keep all the others updated about you know...everything!Its a free country..I cant complain lol

And if you knew me well,you could tell where I'd seat myself in ccd(interesting vantage point I'd like to call),unless I'm fatigued,and give a running commentary to all those present around me.And there are those long conversations on the phone,everyday,not once but 'n' times a day!I couldn't last more than  half-an-hour in a one-on-one talk(not a problem when in a group) including face-to-face!

A hot topic of discussion on the way to class on a sunny afternoon was "Why do couples hold hands?"I couldn't think of a better answer than "Maybe each is afraid the other might run away the moment they get a chance".The other day,Chi decided to wonder aloud "Why do such nice-looking girls hang out with such guys da?I dont understand!" to which Sandy very wisely answered "Girls are more accommodative when it comes to looks da...while the only thing most guys care about are looks.That's the reason you find beautiful girls with okay-types guys but never a cool-guy with a not-so-good girl".

Sometimes,it looks like someone is with someone for the sake of being with any someone.Some senior invites you to accompany him to ascendas and starts thinking you are a wall the next time you meet,coz you refused to go out!To me,its just outright lol-material.Who am I to say what people should do or should not?!I'm just a silent(now not that much!) observer..a bystander.I know there is more to a relationship than that meets the eye.There ARE people here who don't make a show of what they do or who they go out with.Way to go,you guys!Really..

Guess the scene isn't very much different outside insti.Have just decided to ask my cousin and his gult-wifey for fundaes/their story this summer.They were classmates before and are one of the best fun couples I know personally and like them both,especially when they oblige to treat me for new stuff like their brand new Honda City and the like or gimme one of their digi-cams(till I buy my own).He's always loved irritating me to hell and now has company in the task...guess it was a bad day for me when they decided to read Chetan Bhagat and now totally wanna believe all the boozing stuff!Every single action of mine tells them a story,apparently.

Okie,that was a slight deviation from the topic.Lemme consider the singles' scenario now.
Guys:
A majority of them nerds,studs even,thats a given...somewhat cute..acceptable.Quite a majority of them enjoy the deliberate use of the term "non-males"(love the look on Pavi's face everytime she hears this)...probably frustrated young idiots,whose best friend,for all you know has a terrific gf.Now,there are also those who think attending classes in the same set of clothes for two weeks in a row is a fashion statement...few of my friends would gladly note their birthdays and would like to do some fund-rising stuff,to buy the appropriate presents.You know like forwarding messages that might go something like this"_____ is in dire need of H2O,mixtures of potassium salts of fatty acids and some clothes.We receive Rs 0.50 for every message you forward.Please help.God Bless!"

And there are those who appear disinterested and could make anyone believe talking to girls could be a crime.Could be they have found their first love in Griffiths or Piskunov...but they could atleast be civil and 'just friends',you know.Well,I shouldn't be the one talking about talking to people..if talking to someone for the first time,sometimes it might appear like I've never learnt speaking at all and have never known to smile all my life.But thats the gen opinion!Then there are those who are friendly but afraid of being 'teased' by their friends.Some flirts,friendly ones and other varieties too..

Gals:
This demands another post altogether,including the issue of 'non-males'.

"Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take."

Well,to me Friendship is the best relationship in the world...else why would we search for a friend in everyone be it your dad or mom or sibling or a total stranger or the ONE!!:)

PS:If your habitat is nowhere near the banks of Sharavati,you might indeed be treading in unfamiliar territory while reading the post...Cya on the other side of quiz 2!

Thanks for a lovely evening...

Just the other day,waking up early in the morning i felt this compulsive want to go out and so a few hours later it was decided that me,chi n cheks were the treat-putters.While on the topic,treats are something we indulge in often...free food,great company,fun n laughter...well u know!Treats come in all varieties n sizes..b'day trts being the most common and 'self-treat' being the least popular of all.You get 'intern trts','I-just-feel-like-it-gimme-company-i'll-pay! trt','see-we-found-someone-to-tease-u-with-now-put-trt!','wow-your-new-slippers-are-so-cool-now-trt!' 'its Andy-Roddick's-bday-yay-trt! and once a couple of creatures who look deceptively like human-beings and call themselves my friends bullied me into celebrating my own exsistence by extracting an 'exsistence-trt!'...well,u get the hang of it.Sometimes,I wonder if we subconciously count on our mess and the profs to work together towards accomplishing the task of keeping our weight in check(deadline being the end of end-sems)!No denying,they do a pretty good job.The new food-court might pose some issues...

Well,this time we decided on Pizza-Hut..my idea,of course and it turned out to be quite fun :) playing dumb-charades,with our very own Rini JG acting as the moderator/photographer(which I,unfortunately,realised very late),while 18 pizzas were in the making.The teams were named 'orange' n 'yellow' based on the colour of the max. no. of ballons on each side...quite a neat idea considering how creativity is butchered these days,dont u think?!'Tees Maar Khan' was the first movie to be deciphered...these 'yellow' people gave us a shock by revealing their hitherto hidden secret..they were all grt movie-buffs!With that revealation went our hopes of watching Kapi play Sheila.And next,i was chosen to make the score equal by somehow making my team say 'My name is Khan'.After quite a bit of struggle, a nod to 'Is it a recent movie?' and a pose from DDLJ,swethu nailed it!

Around this time,a man who looked depressed,very depressed,very very depressed had walked in and seated himself right opposite me,ofcourse several meters away from our table,but right opposite.A confession here:whenever in a restuarent or any other public place for that matter,i make it a point to get a seat with a clear and large field of vision.People fascinate me...reading expressions,movements,looking at life from their vantage point..quite entertaining or so i think.Anyway,this guy looked decently dressed,cleanly shaven and maybe that was a french-beard or somethin of the sort,with hair slightly receding at the sides.His head-in-hand posture,restlessness,fidgeting and throwing us looks which suggested the world might have been a better place without us girls there made me wonder if he would sound like Moaning-Myrtle if at all he spoke!Ofcourse i agree,his world at that point of time and place would have been a peaceful Pizza-Hut.

The game continued at full-swing...and we girls being just US could do nothing abt keeping our voices down though felt slightly guilty for disturbing the tranquility of the place!Anyway,half-way through devouring our pizzas,this 'poor-guy' become the object of our conversation.On a lighter note,i suggested maybe his girl-friend had ditched him but no,sandy and pavi thought he was too old to have just a girl-friend.So we decided his wife must have thrown him out or must have had a bad day at work and got fired.Chi,who until then was too busy staring at everyone's pizzas while eating her own,decided not to be left out of the conversation and said "Should we cheer him up a bit?".I considered this.."And how exactly?".Sandy,looking from one to another thought it was the right time to step in and say "Please dont do anything of the sort,you'll only make him more depressed!!"  A burst of laughter erupted at that and the 'sad-guy' was totally driven outta our minds.

Well,it turned out to be one of the best game of dumb-c i've played till date.Our AAS surprised us with her enaction for 'halla-bol' n made us go "waah-waah!" It was just ulti-fun n 'minority-report' and 'Armageddon' were the toughest to guess.Our 'Diva' turned up late but we had managed to save a pizza for her too but we couldn't stop chi from eating half of tommy's pizza too!Anyways,the point is it turned out to be one of the best girls-night-out we've had!Thanx to everyone for making it that and the long walk from insti-gate to sharav's always worth it!

1.Rini:a facebook addict and just cant stop being LOUD.

2.Vigny:surprised us by eating almost an whole pizza!(personal pan)

3.Uma:can do multiple-roles:'rowdy',Item-girl,pepsodent ad,muggu etc.,

4.Swethu:sweet girl and needs her cell wherever she goes or so rumour has it.Source:rini.

5.Pavs:i know too much abt her to say anything but nice,yeah dat she is.

6.Sandy:just cool,with a cool head!

7.Chi:Dont even ask!has potential to drive the whole of sharav nuts!

8.Checks:Miss awesome-smile:) n definitely photo-concious! 

9.Buddi:the shortest of us all but with a super-power...is immune to chi's madness(roomie-effect!)

10.Shravs:fun-loving n Miss lol.

11.Kapi:favourite quote "Dichkyoo"!

12.Ammi:on-the-spot-thinker :O

13.our AAS:oh shez an awesome AAS n friend!

14.Divya:silence if her forte.

15.Anu:'doin the right thing at the right time'!

16.tommy:eternally on an eternal diet!

17.Diva:the pop-star..but still manages to find time to attend trts,coming late not being a problem at all!

18.Me:....well,a good decision would be not to start if u cant stop!

19.We wish the 'sad-guy' some happiness n peace of mind.

Remember i said pizza hut was my idea?Well,one look at the bill and cheks turned to me,hugged n said "I love u,chu!".Maybe she forgot chi was watching...and cheks,Thanx I love myself too...very much!Btw Kapi,do yourself a favour n check if u find all your tens n hundreds intact...u dont leave your wallet with chu for 4 days and expect to find everything untouched! And chi,the whole point of publishing this i-dont-know-what-post might be to remind u that u havn't yet paid me n cheks back..we are a little shy to remind u abt that face-2-face u know!

PS:this was a note meant specifically for facebook!lol

That was some awesome time together!!

A tryst with vettiness

In the woods he strolled,

the fire in him long gone..

He longed to tarry,in his

heart loneliness he couldn't carry.

Somewhere ahead could he hear,

the early chirping of a li'l birdie,

the gentle rumbling of a stream

and the rustling of the leaves.

The cool breeze ruffled his hair,

while the raising sun cast his glorious rays

on all things beautiful.

To the woods he had come at last

coz it was where he had met her first.

He knew not,how he knew what he knew

but he knew:he had found his long-lost love....

It was then that he heard,a clear ringing laughter

that made his heart race faster.

His breath he held,as he turned his head,

and in the glade,he beheld

the only one for him.

All things past,

before his eyes flashed

how a petty quarrel had turned nasty

and he had let her walk outta his life in his fury.

Time stood still as

watching her he stood..

Her skin soft shone pearly white

against her flowing turquoise gown,

flowers blue adorned her silky copper hair.

Her sky-blue eyes he knew,

could challenge the depths of the deep blue ocean.

Her soft pink lips could put

the petals of flowers,known and unknown,to shame.

Her face did shine with innocence pure,

her witty gab he had missed for so long.

And now as she held the rabbit close chiding him,

for leaving the cozy home and causing quite some worry.

He felt excitement course through him

as he heard her voice,

the voice,he was sure,could alone awaken him

even from the dead

Waves of emotions filled his heart

as he moved towards her

Then he saw,mirrored in her eyes,

all his feelings strong and his joy

found no bounds.

In her heart of hearts she had known

he would come for her one day.

and now,seeing him there,her heart

did skip some beats.

She smiled her beautific smile

a smile which could brighten his day

and lighten his heart any day.

As he held her in his arms and

a myriad of thoughts got interwined,

they knew they were where they belonged:

with each other.

In those woods someplace far,

u might still visit 'em coz

elves they are is wat I hear!

PS:This was my first attempt at penning something down.I happened to sit by my window looking down the street,enjoying the cool breeze last summer vacation.It was well past midnight and thought would atleast write a not-so-nice letter addressed to rammu(my sis) to keep her occupied on her way to college the next day...but got carried away and came up with this!(very amateur,i agree!)